I do so hate personal blogs, more so ones where I reflect upon myself. “Me” is a topic I try and avoid when I can, so this little musing about something said to me ages ago is going to be a rarity.
It’s also going to be rather meandering and somewhat dark. You’re forewarned.
A few years ago, a friend of mine made some off hand comment about my humor, that I should be a comedian. It was a conversational comment, and I didn’t think much of it then. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of recalling pointless things long after the fact, so recently I’ve been thinking of why I haven’t done the whole comedy thing.
There are the obvious reasons, I can barely speak in English for starters. I get nervous in front of large crowds. I’m not amazing at focusing on writing (something that is actually quite important for a comedian), but there was a much more obvious-to-me reason, the origin of my comedy.
Now, for as much of a believer of gray morality as I am, comedy is one of those things that I consider to be mostly black and white. The “source” of comedy, in my mind, can come from either light or dark, and nowhere in between. Comics then can use these sources, the white and black, to create myriad shades in between.
This leads to my problem, my comedic source is all darkness.
This isn’t some damning revaluation or anything of the sort, those who know me well enough to learn of the humor I have understand that most of it comes from a place of not very fun topics. My humor evolved as a coping mechanism for the pressures of high school.
The options for coping, especially for someone not amazingly popular such as myself are limited. Humor is one of the, the other two come out of the end of a needle and off the end of a short pier, so I think I’ve picked the right choice.
But when the source of my humor is darkness, that requires material. There’s plenty of ammo in the world, but one’s own life is the easiest material to craft from, and my humor therefore comes mostly from shitty events in my life.
If I were to become a comedian, as it were, I would need to keep on the same path of life; depression, angst, cynicism.
I really wish I was the most humorless man in all of the land, I truly do. Don’t get me wrong, making people laugh is great and all, but if it comes at the cost of long term depression, I’m not sure of it’s worth.
Unfortunately, with my current situation in life, I’m probably going to be fucking hilarious for a good long while.